For millions of couples, the use of pornography contributes to harmonious sexual expression. But for many other couples, pornography presents a challenge, typically when one half of the romantic union is unable to maintain a healthy relationship with the wide number of apps and websites that feature sexually explicit content. This challenge is to credit for a rise in demand for couples therapy for addiction to pornography.
While surveys show that nearly one-third of spouses express significant concern or experience conflict regarding their partner’s pornography use, it’s important to note that concern about “addiction” or “addictive behavior” is complex and nuanced. For instance, some individuals feel that pornography has no place in a relationship. They may feel that their partner’s use of pornography is unacceptable and feel betrayed upon discovering that their partner is consuming porn. They may label their partner’s use as being an addiction to rationalize why their partner would choose to use porn against their wishes. Meanwhile, others may have no issue with pornography and accept – or share – their partner’s affinity with consumption, yet have noticed a concerning change in behavior.
Considering this complexity, it’s important to gain an understanding as to what may constitute unhealthy use of pornography. Below is a summary of signs and symptoms of a problem. If three or more are evident, intervention is generally recommended.
Signs that You or Your Partner May Struggle with Pornography
- You or your partner think about pornography frequently throughout the day.
- You consume, or your partner consumes, pornography frequently throughout the day.
- You or your partner experience financial strain due to subscription services featuring sexually explicit content (e.g. OnlyFans).
- You or your partner have lost interest in other activities that were once enjoyed due to a hyper-focus on pornography.
- You or your partner consume online pornography when not safe to do so, such as when driving.
- You or your partner consume online pornography when not appropriate to do so, such as at work, the gym, or when in public settings.
- You or your partner have experienced compromised productivity at work or in studies due to compulsive use of pornography.
- You are unable, or your partner is unable, to engage in sex without first watching porn for arousal.
- You are unable, or your partner is unable, to engage in sex and maintain arousal without porn streaming in the background.
- You express, or your partner expresses, anger and irritation when asked to take a break from using pornography.
- One multiple occasions you lie, or your partner lies, about using pornography.
- You frequently feel, or your partner frequently feels, shame after consuming pornography.
- You or your partner has to increase the intensity of sexually explicit content to attain the same arousal and “rush” that was experienced before.
- You or your partner frequently use alcohol or drugs when viewing pornography.
- You or your partner have tried to take a break for at least one-week, without success.
Vulnerabilities to Unhealthy Porn Use Among Partners
Complexity is also layered in by factors that may relate to someone’s vulnerability to developing a problematic behavior with porn. If the following are present, intervention through couples therapy for addiction to pornography and individual counseling is recommended.
- Averse childhood experiences: Early adolescent exposure to pornography in addition to physical/verbal abuse or trauma along with neglect and social isolation are all factors. However, problem use of pornography is also observed in individuals who have grown up in very strict households, where family members are shamed for expressing sexuality.
- Mental health issues: Various underlying mental health concerns intersect with problem porn use. Common ones include ADHD, anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, depression, low self esteem, OCD, and PTSD.
- Behavioral health issues: Various behavioral addictions intersect with problem porn use. Common examples include hypersexuality, problem gambling / trading, unhealthy gaming, unhealthy use of social media, and compulsive shopping disorder.
What Pornography Addiction Can Do to a Couple
Beyond the individual consequences that can indirectly challenge a romantic union (e.g. poor career performance, etc.) there are direct consequences that couples face when one partner struggles with pornography. Common harms that you may already be experiencing include (but are not exclusive to) the following:
- Loss of Trust: This may occur when a partner lies about consuming porn after abstinence or a temporary break was mutually agreed upon.
- Lack of Intimacy: Unhealthy porn use can lead to reduced libido and sexual dysfunction because interest in real-life sexual situations with a partner fades, despite desire for porn remaining high.
- Unrealistic Expectations and Objectification: Problem porn use often creates unrealistic expectations by rewiring the brain to expect instant, extreme, and diverse sexual stimulation, which real-life intimacy typically can’t replicate. This often leads to dissatisfaction with partners, demands for excessive or specific acts, and distorted views of body image.
When considering all of the above, couples come to recognize that self-reported or projected concerns about pornography addiction is complicated. Consequently, intervention from a clinician trained specifically in couples therapy for problem use of pornography is strongly recommended. Fortunately, you’re already where you need to be. Kindbridge is America’s leading provider of couples therapy relating to problem porn use and cooccurring issues. Follow the steps below to get support, together.
3 Steps for Couples Struggling to Overcome a Partner’s Addictive Behavior Relating to Pornography
STEP 1: Signup for a Couples Assessment (FREE)
As discussed above, pornography addiction may be self-reported or projected on to a partner. In reality, concerning behavior may be related to something else entirely. A FREE assessment from Kindbridge will uncover the potential presence of underlying mental health issues in addition to other behavioral addictions, such as problem gambling, unhealthy gaming, doomscrolling social media, and other concerns that may intersect with pornography overuse.
This FREE and confidential assessment will inform a customized treatment strategy and significantly increase the odds of positive treatment outcomes. Have a look at the results of recent treatments (click here) for confirmation of favorable success rates, and tap the link below to book your assessment.
STEP 2: Confirm Coverage for Couples Counseling
Individually, you may each have insurance coverage that covers some or all counseling services for unhealthy use of porn and cooccurring issues. Meanwhile, married couples may qualify for partial or full coverage via one partner’s corporate insurance plans that allow spouses. Tap the graphic below to learn more about coverage.
STEP 3: Select Counseling Subscription
Kindbridge provides therapy options for couples. Within the following summary of options, is a solution that works specifically to your unique situation.
- Couples Counseling: Couples counseling for unhealthy use or pornography is a specialized therapeutic process aimed at helping partners navigate the betrayal (real or perceived), trauma, and communication breakdown caused by compulsive consumption of sexually explicit content. Sessions focus on rebuilding trust, setting healthy boundaries, understanding underlying emotional drivers, and cultivating intimacy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) – or Cognitive Behavioral Couple Therapy (CBCT) – may be used. CBCT focuses on identifying and changing dysfunctional thought patterns and behaviors, improving communication, and developing better conflict-resolution skills to reduce distress and enhance intimacy. Book a session for couples counseling.
- Ongoing Counseling for Individuals: Individual counseling is not strictly required, but it can be a supplement to couples therapy. It permits a partner to address personal issues, past traumas, or mental health struggles that may intersect with porn use and its subsequent impact on the relationship This combined approach allows for individual growth and self-reflection, which can strengthen the relationship and enhance the effectiveness of joint sessions. View individual counseling options.
Do you have additional questions about couples counseling for addiction to pornography? Are you ready to start healing, together? Call or tap below to inquire or get started with a FREE confidential assessment.
