To be clear, sex addicts do not need to abstain from intercourse for a lengthly period of time or forever. However, during recovery, it is recommended that they take a break that may last from 30-days up to six months (maybe longer) which is completely contingent upon the person and how severe their compulsion towards problematic sexual behavior may be. If you’re among them, you may wonder what you can do to take your mind off sex, and put it in a healthy place so that you can enjoy it with your partner/s once again.
To be effective, alternatives to sex should consider neurological factors. Neurotransmitters including dopamine, norepinephrine, endorphines, oxytocin, and serotonin are an important part of your body’s sexual experience. They trigger responses of the central nervous system such as increased heart rate and regulated reactions to pleasure. When you temporarily abstain from sex after exhibiting compulsive behavior towards it, your brain and body will know it and will try to get you back in the saddle, so to speak. Therefore, temporary replacements (and eventual supplements) should draw upon similar neurotransmitter activity, but without the negative implications that surround risky behavior. Sexual substitutes (for the time being) should also be those that can be enjoyed alone and/or with a partner so as to not isolate a spouse or significant other (as applicable). Further, it’s important for alternatives to sex to not be sexual in nature because as a hypersexuality disorder it may cooccur with compulsive consumption of pornographic material to stimulate masturbation, the latter of which may also become an uncontrollable behavior.
So what are alternatives to sex that are healthy and can actually work to clear the pathways for greater mental wellness? Let’s review!
3 Effective Alternatives to Sex for Someone Taking a Break to Recover from Compulsive Sexual Behavior
Physical Fitness Activities
Physical fitness activities, including a combination of cardiovascular/aerobic/endurance exercise and weight lifting collectively delivers a cocktail spiked with endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and serotonin, and endocannabinoids. As alluded to above, the release of endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and serotonin align with what is experienced when engaged in sex. What about endocannabinoids? Among the many processes (learning, memory, energy balance, etc.) that the endocannabinoid system (ECS) is involved in, it assists in the regulation of stress and emotions. Physical fitness activities therefore provide a multifaceted approach to filling the neurotransmitter void left by cutting-off compulsive sexual behavior.
There is one caveat to consider for this alternative to sex. Exercise can also become a compulsion for those who are vulnerable to developing behavioral health disorders. Those with a history of addiction within the family, body image issues, and/or low self-esteem (which may cooccur with sex addiction) need to be mindful of how often they exercise and how it impacts their lives. It’s a good idea to work with a fitness trainer who can monitor for and ensure that you’re not overtraining. And while it’s inferred by being in recovery for sex addiction that you will be working with a professional counselor, be sure to stay in counseling throughout so that they (your therapist) can mitigate the potential for compulsive exercising as well. The latter applies to any activity that is considered to be a substitute for compulsive behaviors.
Outdoor Everything
Your preferred physical fitness activities (as per above) may already be done outdoors, but incorporating natural elements into all aspects of your life can provide a healthy alternative to sex. Time spent outdoors increases access to natural light and oxygen which can change your neurochemistry, releasing all of the neurotransmitters discussed above in varying degrees. Research shows that an extra 15-minutes (than what you normally get) of time spent outdoors reduces the stress hormone cortisol and boosts the aforementioned neurotransmitters. We suggest that you increase this time significantly, working outside as much as possible and going on long walks both solo and with your partner/s. Mix up your outdoor activities as much as possible so that neurotransmitter activity isn’t given the opportunity to become stagnant as it gets accustomed to things. If you plan to go hikes, allow time to throw your mind and body a curveball by going for bike rides or even rock climbing if you’re not afraid of heights.
Take advantage of every opportunity to go outside during this period of transition away from compulsive sexual behavior.
Whole Body Cold Water Immersion
This carries over from the outdoor activities suggested above. Start swimming (or learn to swim) against the current of compulsive sexual behavior. While outdoor pools can be beneficial, integrate lake and ocean swims into your regime. If the thought makes you shiver that’s a good thing, as research shows that whole body cold water immersion facilitates positive affect and increases interaction between large-scale brain networks:
“At the biochemical level, whole-body exposure to cold triggers a release of neurotransmitters such as serotonin, cortisol, dopamine, norepinephrine, and β-endorphins, which play a crucial role in emotion regulation, stress regulation, and reward processing. Deficits in these neurotransmitters have been reported as critical factors in developing psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety, and emotional disturbances.”
National Library of Medicine
It seems that there is real science behind the adage that tells people to take a cold shower when not able to engage in sex when they desire it.
Remember, alternatives to sex are not a long term solution by any means. None of the above will make a sustainable difference unless you are in and remain in counseling for compulsive sexual behavior and cooccurring disorders that may have a negative impact on your life. Reach out via your preferred contact below and begin your road to a happier and healthier you, today.
Let’s Talk About Your Relationship with Sex
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