Recent research finds that median rates of porn consumption in America are at 74.5% for men, and 58% for women, while a more recent report has uncovered an over 91% increase in pornography consumption since 2020. Studies also indicate that porn addiction is evident in 3-5% of our country’s population although 11% of men assume that they themselves are addicts. Furthermore, data finds that the majority of individuals who have a problematic relationship with porn are married heterosexual men, and that 70% of their wives feel isolated in their concern over their husband’s porn problem.
Considering all of the information above, It should come as no surprise that thousands of spouses come online each month and enter “My husband is addicted to pornography” into their search browsers. If you’re among them, the intent is to find a path forward that allows for healthy communication with your husband, while getting them help for what may be a deeper underlying concern. As America’s preeminent behavioral health support provider, we can guide your way not via concepts of morality and religion (which account for most online search results) but behavioral health sciences. Please keep reading.
3 Powerful Steps Towards Helping Your Husband Beat His Problematic Relationship with Pornography
I. Confirm that it’s a Problem
When it comes to the concern about your husband’s porn consumption, you may join a lot of wives who struggle over whether or not they’re overreacting. Did you simply discover that they are a part of the near 60% of American men who have casually watched porn in the past month? Or is there more to it? We encourage you to take a more measured approach when seeking confirmation without your husband’s admittance that there is (or isn’t) a problem. If he exhibits some combination of the behaviors below, therapeutic interventions probably need to be taken:
- He has lied to you about consuming porn.
- He has expressed anger and defensiveness when asked to pause porn consumption.
- He has lost romantic and/or sexual interest in you.
- He spends excessive periods of time (hours or days) searching for and watching porn.
- He is unable to stop consuming porn after efforts have been made to pause it.
- He must Increase intensity or type of sexual content viewed to get the same arousal and stimulation.
- He lacks interest in other activities (especially those he was once engaged in).
- He uses alcohol or drugs while viewing porn.
- He has become detached from friends and family.
- He exhibits feelings of shame after viewing porn.
- He compulsively masturbates (including at work and away from home).
- He violates workplace policies regarding consumption of elicit materials when on-premises.
- He solicites prostitutes to fulfill porn fantasies.
- Increased feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression that have occurred with his uptick in porn consumption.
If the above signs confirm that your husband struggles with compulsive porn use, yet he remains dismissive of your concern, ask him to oblige you by taking this quick quiz from Men’s Health Magazine. After this quick investigation, call a Kindbridge care coordinator at 1.877.426.4258 as necessary.
II. Assess His Risk
If the investigation of signs and symptoms of porn addiction above did not outright confirm your suspicions, it does not mean that there isn’t cause for concern. Trust your instincts and dig deeper to find out if there are are underlying factors that may inflate your husband’s vulnerability to porn addiction. He may be at the brink of a problem, which is why identification of risk factors is important. Primary risk factors include the following:
- Your husband has co-occurring conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, chronic stress, depression, OCD, and/or PTSD.
- Your husband’s father struggled porn addiction (genetic factors matter).
- Your husband has a co-occurring substance abuse disorder (alcohol and/or drugs).
- Your husband is in a profession such that may have a complicated relationship with problematic porn consumption as professional athletics or the military.
Share this valuable information with your husband in a caring and non-judgemental manner. It may be an eye-opener for him. It’s easy to be dismissive of someone’s concern until you find out that there is a recognized impetus behind the threat. If informing your husband about these risk factors causes him to pause and rethink the role pornography plays in his (and your) life, the effort was worth it. He may not come around and admit that he needs help today, but he may do so in the near future.
III. Offer to Work the Problem, Together (even if on his own)
Again, initiate conversation about concern in a caring non-judgemental manner. As his wife, you’re innately invested in his recovery, so let him know that you’re willing to do the work with him, even if that means stepping back as he discovers (thanks to you!) options that are available to him. There are online counseling options that he can participate in on his own, and/or together with you. Let him be the one to let you know what he is most comfortable with. He may wish to begin with one-on-one counseling, and then eventually invite you into the recovery process with couple’s counseling that focuses on porn addiction. That being said, you don’t need to wait on the sidelines the entire time as the grip of pornography loosens. For instance, you can enjoy these healthy alternatives to pornography together as a couple.
Encourage your husband to explore the options below:
CALL 1 (877) 426-4258
OR
Email [email protected]
