When people hear terms like “gaming disorder” or “video game addiction”, the reaction is often immediate. They picture someone with too much screen time, distracted, disconnected, or avoiding responsibility. But in our experience working with gamers every day, it is rarely that simple.
In a recent conversation with Dr. Daniel Kaufmann, Kindbridge’s Director of Gaming and Program Services, one thing stood out right away: Too many people are judged by the gamer label (or gamer stereotypes) before anyone takes the time to understand what is really going on.
The conversation around gaming changes when we stop focusing only on screen time and start paying attention to the person behind the screen. Understanding someone’s relationship with gaming requires curiosity, context, and a willingness to look beyond the stereotypes.
Is gaming really the problem or is it what gaming replaces?
Dr. Kaufmann:
This is the question I always come back to. Gaming is not automatically the problem. For a lot of people it is a hobby, a way to relax, a way to connect with friends, or even a place where they feel genuinely confident and capable. The question is never whether someone plays games. The real question is whether gaming has started to take over their life in a harmful way.
I grew up loving games. When I was 12, my parents were worried about how much time I spent on Pokemon. They saw it as harmful or pointless. Instead of getting defensive, I built a 10-slide presentation explaining the game, the strategy behind it, and why it mattered to me. I wanted to be understood, not dismissed.
That moment shaped how I work today. People don’t struggle because they are unwilling to connect with the world around them. They struggle because they don’t feel understood. And when we lead with judgment instead of curiosity, we miss the chance to actually help.
I have worked with people who game 60 hours a week and are functioning beautifully – strong relationships, good sleep, clear sense of purpose. And I have worked with people gaming 10 hours a week who are quietly falling apart. Hours on a screen don’t tell you the story. What matters is what gaming is displacing.
How do I know if my gaming has become a disorder?
Dr. Kaufmann:
The honest answer is: the line isn’t about time, it’s about function.
“Ask yourself: Is gaming replacing sleep? Blocking your focus on school, work, or relationships? Becoming the only reliable way someone knows how to cope with stress, loneliness, shame, or overwhelm? That’s where the real conversation starts.”
A person may spend many hours gaming and still be functioning well. Another person may spend fewer hours but use gaming in a way that steadily pulls them away from responsibilities, health, relationships, and meaning. Looking only at time misses the bigger story.
When gaming becomes the only reliable way a person knows how to manage stress or loneliness, that’s a signal worth paying attention to. Not because gaming is bad, but because leaning entirely on one coping tool, whether it’s gaming, food, exercise, or anything else, usually means something underneath hasn’t been addressed.
This is where the topic of digital wellness becomes so important.
What does digital wellness actually look like for gamers?
Dr. Kaufmann:
Digital wellness is not about demonizing technology or pretending screens are the enemy. It is about building a relationship with technology that supports health, fulfillment, and social connection rather than undermining it.
For gamers, digital wellness is not about giving up something meaningful just to appear more disciplined. It is about balance, awareness, and intentional choices. It means being able to enjoy gaming without losing yourself in it.
It means understanding whether play fits your life, or whether your life is starting to disappear around it.
“Gaming can be a source of joy, connection, and relief. But for some, it becomes part of a deeper struggle. That’s why quick assumptions don’t help, what helps is listening and looking at the full picture.”
What can gaming actually teach us about recovery and resilience?
Dr. Kaufmann:
This is where I think gamers have a real advantage that the mental health world doesn’t always appreciate. In gaming, hard moments are part of progress. You face something difficult, might “fail” a level, learn what is not working, adjust, and try again. Failure is not the end of the story, it is part of how you grow and level up.
I bring that same mindset into my clinical work – mental health and recovery with clients, clinicians, parents, and the gamers themselves. Setbacks as part of the process, not as proof that someone has failed. This is what we call “growth mindset,” which allows a person to understand that missing the mark is actually just information of what doesn’t work, which can then be used to experiment to get closer and closer to what does work. Society often passes judgment on people who do not succeed on the first attempt, but in the most important accomplishments in life, that is not an appropriate strategy. Having a growth perspective becomes especially important because so many people are quick to judge themselves when things get hard. A difficult stretch can feel discouraging, but it does not mean a person is broken or incapable of change.
Understanding that our path to success becomes meaningful by embracing our failures is what makes this way of thinking so powerful. Resilience is not about getting everything right the first time. It is about staying in the process, learning as you go, and choosing to keep moving forward.
What does Kindbridge do differently for people who are struggling?
Dr. Kaufmann:
At Kindbridge, we do not believe in reducing people to labels or defining them by one behavior. We believe in understanding the whole person, including their story, their pain, their strengths, and the life they are trying to build.
That is why reframing the “gamer” narrative matters so much to us.
Too many people come to us having already been judged. By parents, partners, employers. The label “gamer” gets attached before anyone has taken the time to understand what’s actually going on. Our job is to be the room where that changes, where curiosity comes first, and where someone finally feels understood rather than dismissed.
If you or someone you love is navigating a complicated relationship with gaming, we are here. You don’t have to have it all figured out before you reach out.
Kindbridge offers confidential support for individuals, partners, and families navigating the complexities of gaming and mental health.
Take the first step – support is just a call or click away!