By: Daniel Kaufmann, Ph.D.
Director of Gaming Services at Kindbridge Behavioral Health
Introduction
In today’s digital age, video games have become a significant part of many households. And while they often get a bad rap, integrating gaming into family life can actually offer numerous benefits. I am often asked how to include video games in family life by parents who struggle to see the value in what video games actually offer each player. The answer requires an active exploration from both the parent(s) and the ones playing the games.
So, how can you successfully include digital play in your family routine while ensuring a healthy balance? Let’s learn how to play games together and dive in!
The Benefits of Playing Games Together as a Family
Playing video games together can be a fantastic way to bond. It offers a shared experience that can bring everyone closer. However, most people who would read an article like this one probably need a bit of convincing that online games are an interesting way to spend the afternoon.
Don’t get me wrong, the goal is not to force people to do things that are boring. This discussion requires us to understand quite the opposite, in fact. Playing video games is exciting for those who are engaged by them. Virtual worlds that need saving with fascinating characters all ready for players to control them towards victory over and over is actually quite the imaginative past-time. This is why games have become a psychologically fascinating form of media over the past several decades.
While each generation has been exposed to a different dominant narrative on gaming, coming all the way from “moral panic” to “video games are a natural style of play,” there is a lot of conflicting information available to parents who are hoping to schedule a successful living room activity. Gaming may not even be on the top of the list for many adults who are aiming to raise successful children.
To make this activity a worthy addition to a families “free time,” a shift in mindset becomes necessary. When kids play, they are connecting with a valid and required aspect of human growth and development. In fact, research consistently finds for children and adults who play games that they enhance many psychological experiences, ranging from feelings of competence, autonomy and relatedness to healthy risks, problem solving, creativity and mental flexibility. In other words, playing video games thoughtfully across different stages of development can actually have a positive impact on your child’s life.
Think of it as the modern-day equivalent of a family board game night. Here are a few benefits:
- Improved Communication: Engaging in cooperative games can enhance teamwork and communication skills. You’ll find yourselves strategizing, solving puzzles, and working together toward a common goal.
- Learning Opportunities: Many games are educational, teaching everything from problem-solving and critical thinking to historical facts and language skills.
- Stress Relief: Gaming can be an excellent way to unwind and reduce stress. Imagine coming together after a long day, laughing, and enjoying a virtual adventure.
- Building Resilience: Games often require players to overcome challenges and failures, fostering resilience and a growth mindset among family members.
Collaboration vs Competition: Finding the Right Balance
When it comes to family gaming, there is often a debate between collaboration and competition. Some parents may prefer cooperative gameplay where everyone works together towards a common goal, while others enjoy the thrill of competing against each other.
The key here is finding the right balance for your family. It’s essential to communicate with each other and figure out what type of gameplay brings everyone joy. If one person is constantly dominating in competitive games and causing frustration for others, it may be time to switch it up and find something more collaborative.
Remember, the goal is to bond as a family. It’s not about winning or losing.
If you’re looking to dive into some cooperative gaming experiences as a family, here are three fantastic options that encourage teamwork:
1. Overcooked! 2
In this chaotic cooking simulator, players must work together to prepare and serve meals under increasingly challenging conditions. Communication and coordination are key, as you’ll navigate various kitchens, manage resources, and serve dishes while racing against the clock. It’s perfect for family bonding and laughter!
2. Minecraft
This block-building sandbox game allows players to explore, create, and survive together. You can construct elaborate structures, embark on adventures, or simply enjoy the tranquility of mining and farming. The open-world nature encourages creativity and cooperation, making it an engaging experience for family members of all ages.
3. It Takes Two
This award-winning platformer is designed specifically for two players, making it a perfect choice for family gaming. In “It Takes Two,” you follow the journey of Cody and May, a couple going through a tough patch in their relationship. Transformed into dolls, they must work together to navigate a fantastical world filled with creative challenges and puzzles that require cooperation and communication. Each level introduces unique mechanics that emphasize teamwork, ensuring that both players are engaged and essential to progressing through the game. With its charming storyline, beautiful visuals, and emphasis on collaboration, “It Takes Two” is not just a game but an adventure that helps strengthen bonds and enhance family dynamics.
Competitive Games to Try Together
For families looking to embrace a bit of friendly rivalry while gaming, here are three competitive games that promise excitement and competition:
1. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe
A classic in competitive gaming, “Mario Kart 8 Deluxe” allows players to race against each other as beloved Nintendo characters. With vibrant tracks, creative power-ups, and unique vehicles, this game is a thrilling way to enjoy fast-paced races and unexpected twists.
2. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
This beloved fighting game brings together characters from various franchises, offering a chaotic experience as players battle it out in dynamic arenas. It’s easy to pick up for newcomers, yet offers depth for seasoned players, making it perfect for family tournaments.
3. Rocket League
Combining soccer with rocket-powered cars, “Rocket League” is an exhilarating game that encourages competition and teamwork. Families can enjoy matches against each other or team up to take on other players online, providing plenty of opportunities for high-flying goals and epic saves!
Each of these games not only foster competitive spirit but also create lasting memories that your family will cherish for years to come.
Now that we’ve explored both collaborative and competitive gaming experiences, it’s clear that video games offer a range of opportunities for family bonding and skill-building. Whether you prefer working together in a chaotic kitchen or racing against each other on a vibrant racetrack, there’s a perfect game for every kind of family dynamic. As we continue, let’s delve into how these gaming experiences can be incorporated into your family’s routine, ensuring that the enjoyment and benefits of video gaming extend beyond individual sessions and become an enriching part of your lifestyle.
Supporting Conversations: Understanding Your Child’s Gaming Experience
Having supportive conversations about gaming can significantly influence your child’s relationship with video games and foster an open dialogue that’s beneficial for both of you. Here are some tips for parents to engage meaningfully:
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage your child to share more about their gaming experiences by asking questions that require more than a simple “yes” or “no.” For example, ask, “What do you enjoy most about playing this game?” or “Can you tell me about a challenge you faced in the game and how you overcame it?” This not only shows your interest but also helps your child articulate their thoughts and feelings about the game.
- Be Curious, Not Critical: Approach the conversation with curiosity. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making judgments, ask for details about the game’s story, characters, and objectives. This can help you understand why they find it engaging, and it provides a platform for discussing the underlying messages or skills the game may teach.
- Share Your Own Experiences: Relating your own gaming experiences can create a bridge between generations. Sharing a game you enjoyed as a child or expressing your thoughts about current trends in the gaming world can open up a more relaxed and relatable conversation, allowing your child to feel more comfortable sharing their perspectives.
- Discuss Content and Themes: Some games can contain themes or content that may not be suitable for certain age ranges. Use the opportunity to discuss what they’re playing in context. Talk about any troubling themes and ask what they think about them. This helps to instill critical thinking and ensures you’re both on the same page about what’s appropriate.
- Creating Life Balance: As you discuss their gaming habits, gently emphasize the importance of balance in their lives. Ask how they manage gaming time alongside other activities like schoolwork, sports, and family time. This helps your child reflect on their priorities while reinforcing the idea that gaming is just one part of a fulfilling routine.
By fostering these supportive conversations, you can build trust and understanding with your child, ultimately promoting a healthy relationship with gaming. As you engage with them around their interests, you’ll not only strengthen your bond but also gain valuable insights into their world.
Remember, you probably have many hobbies your child is not fascinated by, and you would expect them to have respectful and curious conversations whenever you have something exciting to share. If you pretend to have this same interest in the activities that interest your child, going beyond games and including sports, music, and other social activities, imagine how much your connection with the child who play’s games could become!
Setting Limits and Boundaries
So, how much time is acceptable to play video games, and how often do we measure this? Ultimately, the answer will vary from family to family, and it is essential to find a balance that works for everyone.
As with any activity, it’s crucial to set time limits and boundaries when incorporating video games into the accepted household routine. This can help prevent excessive screen time and ensure that everyone is still engaging in other activities.
One approach could be setting a specific time for gaming each week, such as “Family Game Night” on Fridays. Or you could establish a rule where if the child wants to play video games, they must be preceded by completing homework or household chores.
It’s also essential to monitor the types of games being played and their content to ensure they align with your family’s values and beliefs. Parental controls are available on most gaming consoles and can help limit access to inappropriate material.
Selecting the right games is crucial to ensure that the gaming experience is positive and enriching. Here’s how to make informed choices:
- Check the Ratings: Always refer to the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) ratings. These provide insights into the child’s age-appropriateness and content of the games.
- Play Together First: Try the game yourself before introducing it to your kids. This helps you understand the content and mechanics, ensuring it aligns with your family values.
- Read Reviews: Online reviews and forums can provide valuable feedback from other parents and gamers. This can help you make well-rounded decisions.
Setting Healthy Boundaries and Technology Limits
While gaming can be fun and beneficial, it’s essential to set boundaries to avoid excessive screen time. Here’s how to do it effectively:
- Create a Schedule: Designate specific times for gaming, ensuring it doesn’t interfere with homework, chores, or family time.
- Use Parental Controls: Many gaming consoles and platforms offer parental controls to limit video game time and block inappropriate content.
- Encourage Breaks: Teach your kids the importance of taking regular breaks to rest their eyes and stretch their bodies. The 20-20-20 rule is a great guideline: every 20 minutes, take a 20-second break and look at something 20 feet away.
- Set Clear Rules: Establish and enforce rules regarding when and how long gaming is allowed. Consistency is key to maintaining healthy habits.
- Teach Priorities & Time Management: It is important to help children at different ages learn the importance of school work and paying attention to how gaming affects the flow of the daily routine.
Balancing Gaming with Other Family Activities
To ensure video games are a positive addition to your family time, it’s vital to balance them with other non-gaming activities:
- Active Play: Encourage outdoor activities and physical play. Weekend hikes, bike rides, or playing sports can be great supplements to gaming activity.
- Creative Pursuits: Balance digital play with creative, non-digital activities like drawing, building models, or cooking together.
- Family Dinners: Make it a rule to have meals together without screens. This fosters conversation and strengthens family bonds.
- Reading Time: Dedicate time to reading as a family. Whether it’s bedtime stories or a family book club, reading can be an excellent counterbalance to gaming.
For this balance to stay consistent, parenting and family time become a more active process. The reason video games so easily appeal to children in excess is often because it is the best option available for relaxation, enjoyment, and giving the brain a mental exercise to complete that feels rewarding. By shifting games into a different mindset by including it in family life, the activity becomes collaborative, making the gaming habit that may form more healthy.
Conclusion: Making Video Games a Positive Part of the Family Lifestyle
Including video games in your family routine doesn’t have to be daunting. By choosing appropriate games, setting healthy boundaries, and balancing gaming with other activities, you can turn video games into an enjoyable family experience. If you stay involved in your child’s life during their most fun experiences, you will be able to teach healthy lifestyle choices more effectively than if you stay on the sidelines and attempt to control them through shaming their sources of joy.
Why not start a new tradition of family game nights and explore the virtual worlds together? Lead by example and find the way to connect. Your next great family adventure might just be a video game away! You might even find a game you enjoy as well.
References:
Eklund, L. (2014). Family and games : digital game playing in the social context of the family.
Sheffield, A., & Lin, L. (2013). Strengthening Parent-Child Relationships through Co-Playing Video Games. International Association for Development of the Information Society.
Siyahhan, S., & Gee, E. (2018). Families at Play. The MIT Press.
Wang, B., Taylor, L.D., & Sun, Q. (2018). Families that play together stay together: Investigating family bonding through video games. New Media & Society, 20, 4074 – 4094.